Hi All – first – before we get to the funny stuff – just wanted to let everyone know that I met The Tampa Pirate this evening. What a great guy he is. I recruited him as a member of our leadership and state development committee for The American Conservative Party of Florida. We met at a starbucks located in our area. I didn’t know exactly where it was…however…when I found it…it just so happens to be in the very spot where a 7-11 used to be right outside the neighborhood that I lived in back in 1985 when I first moved from Munich, Germany after my father retired. Amazing! Anyway – we chatted for quite some time about blogging, politics, and the ACP…that is…until our wives started blowing up our phones! 
Anyway – I’m glad to have met him and I am looking forward to working with him as we grow the ACP here in Florida. Welcome aboard Tampa Pirate.
Okay – this first one is hilarious – a big h/t to Raider Steve
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figu red out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’
I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..
‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all Dear, let’s go to the cashier.’
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’
I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either…….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.
A LETTER TO THE GRIM REAPER
Dear Mr. Grim Reaper,
So far this year you have taken away my favorite dancer and entertainer Michael Jackson, favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and favorite actress Farrah Fawcett.
Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama.
Thank you
MIRACLE ELIXIR
WOMAN WITH THE TWO BIGGEST BOOBS IN HISTORY!
THE NEWEST BUMPER STICKERS
Well, that’s it for this week! I hope you all enjoyed them! LOL
